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Everything’s Connected
Table of contents for Change, Transition and Transformation
Part 7 in the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
When my neck was in pain, I knew that my muscles had tightened up and locked into place. According to Dr. Lou, my chiropractor, the massage had not been effective because my muscles were not the source of misalignment. Rather, the muscles had tightened up in response to the misalignment of my vertebrae.
I continued to see Dr. Lou so he could make adjustments to realign my spine. But, in between visits, my back would become misaligned again and the pain would return. Interestingly, the muscles were so used to being in a tightened, resistance mode, they would fall back into the familiar role by force of habit, pulling my spine out of alignment in the process. The muscles, rather than supporting the adjustments, were working against them.
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Balance, Alignment, and Support
Table of contents for Change, Transition and Transformation
Part 9 in the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
As James Baldwin stated:
“Any real change implies the breakup of the world as one has always known it, the loss of all that gave one an identity, the end of safety.” As we undergo change, even desired change, we do temporarily lose ourselves – we lose the identity that we knew and that was familiar to us. As a result, we end up feeling unsafe, uncertain, and off balance.
As is clear from my earlier posts, being able to move through change and transition and successfully come out transformed on the other side is about balance and alignment. Read more
Positive Transformational Change
Table of contents for Change, Transition and Transformation
Part 1 in the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
All of us have at some time experienced a major change in our lives that leaves us feeling off-balance and scared. Each of these experiences presents us with an opportunity for positive transformational change. As with all experiences, how we perceive and respond to them has an enormous impact on the eventual outcome. It can determine whether we will be left feeling dis-lodged and unmoored or centered, renewed, enlightened, and empowered.
Positive transformational change is only possible when we are open to learning and growing. And, when you think about it, that is what real living is all about. It is an ongoing journey of experience that provides us with opportunities to grow and develop and continue to find meaning and significance in our life.
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Reframing the Experience
Table of contents for Change, Transition and Transformation
Part 2 in the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
My experience started when I found myself feeling lethargic, without energy, motivation or a sense of purpose. As someone who is usually self-directed, motivated, and focused, I was distressed.
At first, I tried to force myself to work but that only intensified my sense of inertia. The more I tried to work, the worse I felt. Like being stuck in quicksand, the more I struggled, the deeper I sank.
Next, I tried to avoid the discomfort I was experiencing by losing myself in activities that kept me in my head and out of my emotions. I organized my desk, went through old emails, and played games of logic, like sudoku, solitaire and crossword puzzles. While that provided me with a temporary diversion, it was not helpful in the long run.
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Sitting in Ambiguity
Table of contents for Change, Transition and Transformation
Part 3 in the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
Reframing my experience as a transition left me with a more positive outlook. But I was nonetheless uncomfortable with the uncertainty of not knowing where the transition was taking me. I wanted to end the discomfort by trying to analyze, define, and force an explanation of it immediately – I wanted it to be over. As an extrovert, externalizing my thoughts and feelings by writing them down has always been an effective way for me to recognize and understand them. I had some time on my hands so I figured this would be a good time to think and reflect and write. I decided to go on retreat. I found a retreat center, made reservations, packed about 10 thought-provoking books and my laptop and left. As I drove to the retreat center I envisioned myself sitting outside enjoying nature while I read and wrote until I achieved whatever insight was waiting for me.
When I got to the retreat center, I unpacked my books and my laptop. I took the laptop out of its case, turned it on and realized to my dismay that I had no desire whatsoever to use it. I just couldn’t bring myself to write. Similarly, I was not motivated to read any of the numerous books I had brought with me. I realized that my idea of actively reading and writing my way out of the transition was not going to work. I could not make the transition move any faster than the process needed to take.
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Being, Not Doing
Table of contents for Change, Transition and Transformation
Part 4 in the Change, Transition and Transformation Series
In order to let the mud settle, I needed to start being instead of constantly doing. But, old habits are hard to break. Even though I didn’t feel like writing, I decided to check my voicemail and email. There were no phones or Internet access in my cabin. So, I tried to check my voicemail messages with my cell phone but found that I couldn’t get a connection to last long enough for me to do that. And, when I went to the Café where there was wireless Internet access, I was unable to connect even though everybody else seemed to be able to. So my normal habits of remaining in constant touch with the world by reading my email and talking on my cell phone had been completely thwarted. It seemed I was meant to have an experience of being completely out of touch. Read more
Being Mindful of Physical Sensations
Table of contents for Change, Transition and Transformation
Part 5 in the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
While I was at the retreat center, I decided to pamper myself. I had a kink in my neck and shoulders that had been there fore a few weeks. I assumed that taking a few yoga classes would alleviate the pain, they didn’t. So, I decided to take advantage of the massage services available. I had a massage and it was fabulous and relaxing. Yet, as soon as I got up afterwards, I realized that even though the rest of my body was relaxed, my neck and shoulders continued to feel stiff and hurt. So, then I decided to get a special deep tissue massage. But, just as with the first one, the rest of me felt great but the pain in my neck and shoulders persisted.
I realized that up until then, I had not been paying enough attention to how I was feeling physically to realize just how much tension I had been holding in my neck and shoulders. It was only when I had stopped my constant doing and started being in and paying attention to my body that I was able to become aware of it. I realized that I unconsciously put all my tension and stress in my neck and shoulders. Since I have had this kind of kink in my neck a number of times in the past and since two massages did not even begin to provide relief, I realized this habit of mine was probably long-standing. Apparently, I had been deaf to the messages my body was sending me for a long time.
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Being Present
Table of contents for Change, Transition and Transformation
Part 6 in the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
I began to consciously change my behavior in other ways. I began to pay closer attention to how I spent my time. I realized how much of my time was spent multi-tasking – driving while talking on the phone, walking while checking my email, reading while eating, etc. All of this constant activity, kept me from being and reflecting. It is ironic that many of the tools that are meant to keep us connected as human beings (cell phones, the internet and email), have simultaneously become tools of disconnection and isolation. You can see this when you see two people sitting together in a restaurant and both of them are using their cell phones. Instead of being present with each other, they are traveling wirelessly elsewhere. You can also see this when people walk down the street talking on their cell phones. They are so engrossed in their conversation that they are oblivious to what is going on around them, often bumping into people and narrowly missing getting hit by passing cars.
It is not possible to enjoy life when you are oblivious to it. I made a more conscious effort to be present, mentally and well as physically, paying attention to what I was doing and whom I was with instead of scattering my attention and focus in multiple directions.
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Allow Time for the Process
Table of contents for Change, Transition and Transformation
Part 8 in the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
While I was working on aligning all parts of me, I still didn’t feel motivated to work and was getting worried. Whatever transition I was in the midst of, I told myself, it was taking too long. But, then I realized, I couldn’t rush the process. I needed to have faith, let go, and allow the change process to take place.
As the days continued, I found myself wanting to read novels. Instead of feeling guilty about not working, I just let go, followed my instinct and gave in the transition process. I allowed myself to follow my feelings and do what I felt like doing. Instead of trying to control and change my feelings, I allowed myself to let go and just be in them and see where they would lead me. Before I knew it I found myself thinking more creatively than I had in a long time. I had ideas for designing new projects and had a new sense of excitement, focus and direction. I was able to engage in focused, concentrated work on my new ideas. I realized that allowing myself time and letting go was another part of the transition process. Reading the novels was providing me with nourishment – it was part of the compost and fertilizer I needed to replenish the field before I started planting again.
Read about Read about Balance, Alignment and Support in Part 9 of the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
Reflecting On the Process
Table of contents for Change, Transition and Transformation
Part 10 of the Change, Transition, and Transformation Series
My experience with Dr. Lou, my chiropractor, led to another interesting insight. After having experienced a great deal of relief, I noticed that my shoulders were getting tense again. I was concerned because despite my efforts to correct my posture and the way I was holding my shoulders, I felt as if I were backtracking. Read more
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For information about Deb's book, The Quilt of Humanity: A Metaphor for Healing and Reparation, click here